Vicious Valentine

Last night I had another one of my epically screwed up nightmares. There was a green, decrepit old sperm whale trying to eat me in the water, a little girl poltergeist haunting a house I was in and cold pizza throughout the whole dream. (I think the pizza is because I went to bed without dinner.) I tend to have quite vivid and involved dreams whether they are good, bad, or just out there. It is interesting that the dream experience is different for different people. Some people can't remember dreaming at all, some only dream in certain colors, and some dream with incredible detail like me.


I was talking about my dream over on Social Anxiety Friends this morning. As conversations do it branched off. In this case into talking about Carl Jung and his theories in the field of psychology and dreams. I am a psychology major so I am familiar with the name, but I went to reacquaint myself with him via search engine references. His stance on spirituality and science both being important for human beings to incorporate into their lives is an opinion I can agree with. I think a person can learn from religion or the unseen as well as tangible science and apply that to how they live and think.


Agnosticism is my chosen affiliation at the moment. I haven't found any single religion I can truly dedicate myself to or believe in, but I've found that I do see truths in each that I have learned of, as well as the twisting that occurs within religion that can damage the lives of the religious and others. Examples of this in Christianity would be that "love thy neighbor" and "do unto others" are incredibly good ideas, based in tolerance and decency. But calling homosexuality or other religions abominations and scorning those involved is the bad that comes from misunderstanding and corruption of the teachings due to human failings. I do believe there is some kind of entity or otherness somewhere, I don't know of what exact relation it is to us or if it is sentient but I think something is responsible for everything that is, was, or will be.


It is important to have an open mind to the world around you and things you don't know or understand. I'd rather be this way than close myself off and being the lesser for it in some way. Either by hurting others or hurting myself. If people were more willing to learn or accept how other people think (when it is something not harmful) then the world might be different, it might be somewhere I'd like to live. I respect that others have a differing point of view than mine, but they are entitled to it if it is beneficial to them and not damaging anyone or anything else.

Labels: agnostic, carl jung, dreams, jungian, nightmares, spirituality, supernatural

Anime is one of my more recent loves, though I had come across it as a child. It was harder to get/find once upon a time but now the internet and even TV is crawling with the stuff. From artwork, to videos, to fanfiction, to fandom websites and cosplay I can barely surf without coming across an anime reference. Well that's fine with me, and in fact I hope it continues to become more and more popular because Japanese folk have very unique points of view and an excellent medium to share their ideas. In anime I have found some of the best, most intense, and in depth plots and characters ever created.


At first though, with Naruto, I was a skeptic. I thought it might be akin to the Pokemon or Dragonball type shows and I was reluctant to get into it. (Bleach kind of freaked me out with the plushy doll characters but I'm over that now too.) When I started watching it though, I couldn't stop. I watched 200+ episodes over the course of a few weeks on youtube with subtitles. I'm of course partial to the Japanese voice actors now but I think I grow attached to the actors of the version I view first. I watched Yu Yu Hakusho in English and prefer it that way. (A lot of credit for that goes to the awesomeness of the English voice actors I do admit.)


The current episodes of Naruto are after a "time skip." The series is now called Naruto Shippuuden and the characters are about 2 years older. This far in I have now grown attached to certain characters and have developed dislike for others. The new character, Sai, is definitely in my like category so far. He is a wonderful replacement for Sasuke, whom I despise.







One of the best things about Sai is his social bumblings. (He seems to have something like Asperger's syndrome or is simply underdeveloped from isolation/conditioning.) He truly does not know the proper way to interact. He is an excellent ninja, but the Naruto team dynamic is based a lot on the emotion between teammates. He even has to fake smiles, something with which I am all too familiar. I sometimes find myself at a loss for how to function in a social setting and I enjoy seeing aspects of myself in characters. It is nice to see diversified characters like Sai, it makes the story much more involved and viewers/readers can relate or sympathize on some level. If you can't make some kind of connection, positive or negative, with the characters in a story then it probably isn't any good.


Now that I have found a better place to watch (stage6) I am sure to look out for new Naruto episodes. I'm really interested to see how Sai develops in the new plot line. It also helps that I find Sai's penis jokes and insulting pet names highly amusing. Here's to hoping he sticks around. :)

Labels: anime, aspergers, autism, bleach, dragonball, naruto, pokemon, sai, shippuuden, social anxiety, stage6

The details of the Writer's Guild of America strike (NY Times article) were mostly in my peripheral until now. I knew it was happening, but it didn't really affect me. The TV I watch is usually isolated to a couple things on the discovery channel or scifi channel (Mythbusters, Dirty Jobs, How it's Made, and Ghost Hunters.) One thing I do watch, however, is Ugly Betty on ABC. Often I miss the Thursday showing because my ability to pay attention to the time or schedules is somewhat impaired. So I go to ABC's website to catch what I miss whenever it occurs to me I did miss it. Well, it occurred to me today. When I got there, it was a rerun. *cries*


Sorry, bit overdramatic, but I do like watching new Ugly Betty. I didn't really stop to think the strike would affect the one show I watch but I suppose it is more far reaching than shows in which I have no interest like Desperate Housewives. In my defense many of us tend to tune out things we don't believe affect us. So, now that I more fully understand what is going on, I would like to say I support the writer's. Give them whatever they want so I can have my Ugly Betty back!!! (Somewhat selfish but my heart is in the right place.)


Now that that public announcement is over with, I shall engage in some fangirl behavior. I have sat through a number of the original Columbian Betty la Fea episodes of which Ugly Betty is based on. I found them on youtube without translation around the time the American series began. I can't say that I fully understood most of it but I relied on translating the description and the context of what I saw visually. The original show is very dramatic and over the top. The boss (on whom I assume Daniel is based) is arrogant and a bit cruel at times, even when he gets over Betty's looks and becomes obsessed with her. He makes out with her at random times, forcing himself on her. I FREAKIN LOVED IT.


I don't expect the American version to be at all close to the Columbian, but Betty better end up with Daniel. Every version I have heard of Betty ends up with the boss character. I will be very irate if it does not occur. (Though I'm aware it would probably be towards the end of the show's life.)


Here's a music video of the Betty and Daniel pairing because I am a big sappy girl. TE AMO!

Labels: abc, ugly betty, writer's strike

Anxiety (social and otherwise) is something I have dealt with my whole life. Even as a child I've been the worrying type, scared of everything and everyone. My affinity for the internet has been my escape, a way to soothe the negativity I felt all around me. And now I have this blog to share all my thoughts, random babblings, and obsessions with the blogosphere.


I would say about 90+ percent of my social interaction occurs online. I have about three instant messaging programs, a profile on myspace, an account on IMDB to talk about movies, various mmorpg accounts, and most recently my socialanxietyfriends account and blog here.


Suprisingly, I didn't think to look for a support group online for my mental illnesses. Someone had to mention SAF when I did finally get around to joining a myspace social anxiety group. I think the image from the myspace group is kind of appropriate (and I believe it is a design from an anti-depressant commercial.)



Like most things on the internet I did run into some undesirable websites and have had bad experiences here with people. Wherever you go there will always be those people who will hurt you if you give them that power or step on others due to their own issues.

Labels: anxiety, blog, depression, internet, mmorpg, myspace, networking, social, social phobia

I've never really blogged before in the long 12 years I've been plugged into the internets. As a young girl I received multiple lock diaries and journals as gifts or impulse buys but I never managed more than a handful of entries before I forgot about it and it ended up misplaced or gathering dust. So in an effort to change my short attention span and because I have this live journal account just sitting here, here it is, my first Blogspot, entry.


I suppose I intend to enter what I perceive as notable occurrences, thoughts, and obsessions in my life and about things I read about or watch. I like a lot of things but in a fairly small focus/genre. My current obsessions are anime, fanfiction, fantasy (such as Lord of the Rings), romance (such as period pieces like by author Jane Austen), scifi (including the channel), video/pc games, mmorpg, the worldwide web, instant messaging, message board, chat, ideas on working at home etc.


Throughout my life I have dealt with mental health issues. My depression an anxiety (specifically social anxiety) have severely affected my ability to function and survive. I find making friends difficult, maintaining a job without becoming intensely stressed, going to school without intense stress, basically any social interaction at all even family and friends has potential for stressing me out in an abnormal and exaggerated way. My solace is all my hobbies and the internet. With them I cope by blocking the negative out, though this also has had an impact on degrading aspects of my functioning.


Well, that seems enough for a first post. I do have a tendency to be verbose when I get into something. Hopefully I can focus my mind on this, at least.


-Tiffany

Labels: anime, anxiety, depression, fantasy, gaming, j. r. r. tolkien, jane austen, lord of the rings, mmorpg, world of warcraft, wow